


at least i've got you in my head

by homosexualhitoka



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crushes, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Growing Up, M/M, Misunderstanding, OR IS IT, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Use of a slur (1 time), Yamaguchi has anxiety but it's not directly mentioned, bullying in one scene, dont worry it's still wholesome, lots of fluff, unrequieted love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 13:10:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11647239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosexualhitoka/pseuds/homosexualhitoka
Summary: The story of how Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei got together.





	at least i've got you in my head

**Author's Note:**

> there is a slur in the scene with the bullies!! If that triggers you please skip it!!

It wasn't a thing that just suddenly happened.

It wasn't a firework or a jump off the diving board. It wasn't like running or a rollercoaster going down a hill.

It was gradual. It was slow. It was comfortable.

It was tea brewing. It was the grass in the front lawn growing. It was a slow stroll and it was finishing a long book that you didn't ever want to read in the first place.

Their love was not instantaneous, Tadashi reflects. Their relationship wasn't either. They had been slow, and comfortable, and quiet. They had kept to themselves and let things be the way they always had been:a little closer than it should've been, a little more physical than it should've been, and a little more terrifying than it should've been. It was okay. It was them. It had its flaws, of course it did. The fact that they were too scared to bring it up with each other, too scared to talk about anything related to anything more than best friends. Only friends.

So they continued to toe the line between friends and something more. One might take a step over it, but retract it instantly due to their own doubt. Tadashi thinks it was funny, now he looks back on it. At least the line was crossed. Eventually.

 

* * *

 

 

Tadashi and Tsukki had always been close, physically. There had always been lots of casual touching and just being close together. They didn't really have other friends, with Tsukki being tall and rather mean to everyone else and Tadashi being disliked by most people for some odd reason.

They stuck together, it was them against everyone else. No matter what happened, the two could rely on the other to be there.

Tadashi was ten when he figured out that people thought that was odd.

He walked home with Tsukki every day. Tsukki didn't mind, or he didn't complain. Neither of them wanted Tadashi to be left vulnerable to the bullies in his class that there was still a threat of. If Tsukki was feeling particularly nice that day, or if Tadashi was feeling particularly sad or anxious, Tsukki would let him hold his hand until they had to separate.

Tadashi is ten when Tsukki is sick and out of school for the first time since they became friends.

Tadashi is sitting on the ground during recess, the damp grass staining his jeans as he watches the other kids play. His tennis shoes were all muddy already, but he didn't mind. If Tsukki was here, he would mind. He would tell him that he was muddy and gross and that he would make the classroom’s floor dirty. Tadashi would giggle and say that Tsukki worries too much, but he would still avoid muddying his shoes.

Tadashi was here, not really doing anything to harm anyone, when three boys approached him. Tadashi paled, shoulders tensing up and his brows furrowing. His fists clenched on the ground, tearing grass from the earth as he looked up at the trio.

The tallest one, a boy with dark hair, sneered at him, eyes filled with hate. Tadashi let out a quiet whimper and the other boys snickered.

“Your precious guard isn't here,Yamaguchi-chan.” The tallest one teased. “No one’s here to protect you from us now. “ Tadashi felt his eyes fill with tears as he looked down, trying not to cry.

“Pathetic how you hide behind him, right? He's probably so annoyed with you. “ the one with jet-black hair taunted.

“Aw look, he's already crying!” The shortest one pointed out. “What a loser. “ Tadashi raised a hand to his cheek, feeling wet tears rolling down his face. Why did Tsukki have to get sick?

“Did you notice how they hold hands when they walk home together? They're not just pathetic losers, they're fags. “ the tallest one retorted.

Tadashi felt the blood drain from his face. He had only heard that word on television, in movies his mother didn't want him to watch, he wasn't even sure he knew what it truly meant. He knew it was bad, and that he didn't want to be called that. He didn't want Tsukki to be called that.

He opened his mouth to reply, but the bell rang for the students to go back to class. The three laughed and ran off, leaving Tadashi to slowly stand up and brush off his jeans. He's late to class, but the teachers don't comment on it, by the looks of his red rimmed eyes and his trembling lips.

The next day is worse, even though nothing happens. Tsukki is back, and Tadashi feels awful. They said bad things about _Tsukki_ , and Tadashi can't forgive himself for doing something that made Tsukki get this treatment.

Of course, Tsukki noticed immediately. He noticed the normally chipper and excited boy being withdrawn and quiet, barely letting out any greetings when he sees Tsukki. Tsukki treats it like a normal bad Tadashi day, when he wasn't feeling well. He didn't bring it up, just was there for his friend.

Until it was time to leave school.

Tsukki knew that something was wrong, so he did what he normally did in these situations. He stuck out his hand for Tadashi to hold. Tadashi visibly flinches, and he shakes his head meekly.

Tsukki raises his brows and brings his hand back down to his side. “What happened, Yamaguchi?” He asked.

Tadashi stuttered out a reply. “T-the boys s-s-said that h-holding hands isn't g-g-good. “ he said. Tsukki is alarmed with how much he's stuttering, Yamaguchi only does so when extremely anxious.

“Okay. “ Tsukki says and doesn't question it.

Tadashi is relieved.

Tsukki wishes he had questioned it. 

 

* * *

 

 

Tadashi is eleven when he realizes that what he feels for Tsukki is more than friendly.

He knows that it's obvious now. He knows that the boys at school were right about him, he was what they thought, just as pathetic and gross.

He realized it one day while in Tsukki’s bedroom.

Tsukki is sitting at his desk while Tadashi is on his bed. Tsukki is completing whatever homework he had while Tadashi is reading a romance novel he checked out from the library.

Tadashi is reading about a girl pining over a boy who she doesn't think likes her back. She is going on and on about how perfect this boy is, how she wants to be with him and fantasizes about their future, how he hung the stars in the sky himself, and other hipster, flowery things that Tadashi thought should gross him out.

They don't. Tadashi feels a warm feeling in his chest and hopes the girl and the boy get together.

 _Having a girlfriend would be nice._ Tadashi thought

_I could bring her flowers and hug her and get kisses and chocolates in return. We could go on dates and to the movies and hold hands and go stargazing. We could get married and have a house with flowers and nice curtains and we could cook together and have a dog._

Tadashi found himself falling deeper and deeper into the fantasy, going as far to think about how their home would be furnished. How they would talk. What kind of food they would make.

_We would stand in the kitchen, humming while making whatever we wanted for breakfast. She would be wearing cute pjs and her hair wouldn't be brushed yet. It would be soft and blond and short and a bit curly, his glasses would be on and he would complain about them being smudgy. I would tell him to clean them and that it was his fault for touching them. He'd tell me to shut up and I'd laugh and we’d-_

What?

Where did have of that come from?

He?

No no no. Tadashi liked girls. Tadashi liked girls. Tadashi didn't know how the girl in his fantasy got replaced by Tsukki-

It all came crashing down, like someone had dropped a bucket of freezing cold water onto his head. It soaked his socks and his hair and his clothes and Tsukki’s bed.

He….liked Tsukki. He had a crush on Tsukki. He wanted to be with Tsukki. When did this happen? He wasn't sure. How did he not notice before?

He was broken out of his thoughts by an annoyed voice. “Why are you staring at me?” Tsukki asked.

Tadashi laughed, though it was forced. “I'm just tired. Zoning out. Sorry. “ his gaze went back to the book.

_I like Tsukki. I like his cute hair and his cute glasses and his cute obsession with dinosaurs and his love of space and stars. I like his attitude and how cool he is. I like how he seems to like me enough to stay by my side, even though I'm not anywhere near as cool as he is._

_I like you, Tsukki._

 

* * *

 

 

Tadashi is 12 when he realizes that he is in love with Tsukki. He is 12 when he realizes that Tsukki won't love him back. He's okay with this. It saves him the mortifying moment of actually having to ask Tsukki out.

Tsukki never noticed how Tadashi’s behavior has changed. Or he doesn't bring it up. Tadashi isn't sure which, but whichever one it is, he's thankful. He doesn't want Tsukki to know.

He doesn't want him to know that he has planned the inside of their home and the furnishings and what kind of curtains they would have. He doesn't want Tsukki to know that he thinks about what would happen if he confessed. He doesn't want Tsukki to know that he's utterly and stupidly in love with him.

Tadashi knows that he loved Tsukki before. Tadashi loved Tsukki so much. He adored having him around and loved that Tsukki liked being friends with him.

Tadashi knows that he is in love with Tsukki, presently. He is invested deep within Tsukki. He wants to know what Tsukki likes, everything he likes. He would do anything and everything for him. If Tsukki told him to walk off of a building, he would do it.

Tadashi does not want Tsukki to know how weak he is.

Tadashi doesn't want Tsukki to notice the way he looks at him. Tadashi doesn't want him to notice the way he blushed when Tsukki cuddles with him on their sleepovers. They've done this ever since they started having sleepovers, it's not weird. Stop overthinking. He will notice. Tadashi doesn't want Tsukki to notice the way that Tadashi thinks he hung all the stars in the sky.

Tadashi doesn't know that Tsukki does the same thing.

He doesn't know that the blond haired boy looks at him the same way, eyes filled with tenderness and fondness and love. He doesn't notice the way that his brows furrow when he notices that Tadashi is more jittery, or how he notices when Tadashi is feeling down. He doesn't know that he has the same blushes on his cheeks when they cuddle. He doesn't know that Tsukki feels the same way he does.

Tsukki regrets that he didn't.

Tadashi wishes he did.

 

* * *

 

 

Tadashi is 13 when he knows that he has no chance with Tsukki. Ever.

He is 13 when he realizes that Tsukki likes girls and will never like him back.

He is 13 when he cries into his pillow, hoping and hoping that Tsukki likes him back, even though he knows it's impossible.

He is 13 when he watches Tsukki get confessed to by a few girls. He watched from a distance, watching them shove letters into his hands and then run off, long, pretty hair being pushed by the wind, cute shoes tapping against the ground.

He is 13 when Tsukki is first worried about this.

“Did you say yes to her?” Tadashi asks, the third time this happens.

Tsukki looked at him, eyebrows high. “what? No.” He said. “Of course I didn't. “

Tadashi flinched. “Why didn't you? She's cute, she's smart, she's everything to look for in a girl. “

“Shut up, Yamaguchi. I don't like her. “

Tadashi looks down. “Sorry, Tsukki. “

 

* * *

 

 

Tadashi is 13 and three months when Akiteru asks him an odd question.

Akiteru is home for a long weekend to visit family. Tsukki is not happy about this, to say the least. He stays in his room and basically avoids Akiteru like the plague.

Tadashi understands, but he thinks Akiteru is nice enough to be polite and respectful. On Saturday, Tadashi knocks on the Tsukishima family house door. He expects Tsukishima-San to open the door, but it's not. It's...Akiteru.

Akiteru smiles brightly. “Yama-chan! Come in, how have you been? You haven't gotten taller yet?” He teased.

Tadashi blushed. “I'm good, thank you, Akiteru. “ he said. He was still very short compared to Tsukki and most boys.

Akiteru smiled. “Good! Kei’s out right now, with Mom, but he should be back soon!” He said and went to the kitchen. Tadashi slipped off his shoes and went to follow him, not sure what to do.

Akiteru was already filling two glasses of water.

Tadashi stood next to him, taking a gulp of his when it got handed to him. The walk wasn't long, but it was hot outside now.

“Thank you, Akiteru-San. “ he said politely.

Akiteru smiled. “No need to use san. Just call me Akiteru. “

Tadashi nodded, feeling incredibly awkward.

“So, how long have you and Kei been together?”

Tadashi almost drops his cup. He takes a deep breath, going white.

“Exc-c-cuse me?” He asked meekly, cringing at the stutter.

“How long has it been since you two started dating?” Akiteru asked, not unkindly.

“I'm s-sorry, but it's not like that. Tsukki and I are just….friends. “

Akiteru paled. “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Yamaguchi! It was so rude of me to assume, please forgive me. “ he said.

Tadashi waved his hands. “It's okay!.....why did you think we were dating?” He asked, suddenly curious.

Akiteru bit his lip. “With how much Kei talks about you and how much of your stuff was in his room I thought that you were a little closer than friends. Also, I asked mom and she said you were dating, so it's not all my fault. “

Tadashi looked like he'd seen a ghost. “She thinks we're dating, yet I'm still allowed over?”

Akiteru’s eyes widened. “Of course! We like having you over, and as long as Kei’s happy, we are too! We really wouldn't care if you two were dating. “

Tadashi nodded meekly. “Thank you. I…..do have romantic feelings for Tsukki. But I don't think he likes me back. “

“I'm sorry, Yamaguchi. You don't have to tell me anything more. “

Tadashi sighed. “I-I'm gonna go wait in his room. “

Akiteru looks at him apologetically. “If you need anything, I'm here. “

Tadashi hurried up the stairs, closing the bedroom door and sitting on the bed. He takes a deep breath and tries to calm down. He felt like he was gonna be sick.

 

* * *

 

 

Tadashi is 13 and four months when he has his first kiss.

Tadashi is sleeping over at Tsukki’s house. Lovely Tsukki, with Akiteru gone and most anxiety about their “relationship” out of his stomach.

They had spent the day together, finishing their schoolwork in silence. It was comfortable. Being with Tsukki was always comfortable, no matter how silent it was. They only spoke if they needed help, which was really only Tadashi. Tadashi was thankful that his friend was so smart. If he wasn't, he probably would have been screwed, grades wise. They had watched a movie on Tsukki’s laptop, some documentary about dinosaurs that Tsukki had downloaded.

That was long ago, and now they were getting ready for bed. Teeth brushed, showers taken, pjs donned. Tsukki had flipped off the lights and taken his glasses off. Tadashi could see the glow in the dark stars stuck to Tsukki’s ceiling. Tsukki’s bed was pressed up against the wall, with Tadashi closest to the wall. It was comfortable, being surrounded with things, as long as he wasn't panicky.

Tsukki took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He sat the frames on his nightstand and looked at Tadashi. Tadashi smiled softly at him.

Time seemed to go in slow motion, like swimming through peanut butter or jello or something equally gross and slimy and thick enough to make one move slowly.

Tsukki got closer, and closer, leaning in and his short bangs hanging off his face as his closed his eyes, lips meeting Tadashi’s.

It was nothing more than a simple press of skin against skin, but it felt like Tadashi was on fire and covered in ice at the same time.

He gasped and Tsukki pulled away, brows furrowed.

Tadashi took a second to catch his breath. He looked at his friend, eyes wide.

“D-does this mean we’re dating?”

Tsukki’s eyes widen and his brows jump.

A realization dawns upon him and he rubs his eyes again. His long fingers pinch the bridge of his nose.

“We…..weren't dating before. “

“No! No, we weren't!” Tadashi said quickly, mortified. This was what he had been fearing.

“Well, shit then. “

“Well, we’re dating now, but what made you think we were dating?!”

“We held hands and went on dates and snuggled and you call me that silly nickname and look at me nice and make me feel gross and I thought that meant we were dating? I thought it went unsaid!” The blond’s face was bright red, like a strawberry. He was just as embarrassed.

“It didn't! I spent so long pining because I thought you didn't like me!”

“I told my mom we were dating when she asked!”

“Oh my gosh. “ Tadashi covered his face with his hands.

“I….love you. I have. For a while. “ Tsukki forces out.

Tadashi smiles shakily. “I love you too. “

Tsukki let's out a sigh of relief. “Thank god. “

Tadashi closes his eye and takes a few deep breaths. “Now kiss me again. “ he demanded.

Tsukki was happy to oblige.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Bonus:

Tadashi is 14 when he doesn't have to ask Kei for kisses.

In the last six months, Tadashi hit his growth spurt. Finally. Now he stood at a proud 176 centimeters next to a 188 centimeter Kei.

Kei….didn't like the change much. He was shocked when he saw his previously precious and tiny boyfriend start to shoot upward. Neither of them were done growing, either. Hopefully Tadashi would still be shorter than him.

They didn't make this observation immediately. Tadashi still chirped out a “Kiss!” Or a “kiss, please?” Just due to habit for a few weeks.

It was a night that left them both shocked. They were sleeping over at Tadashi’s house, this time, and they were in the kitchen at an ungodly hour of the morning. Tadashi was hungry and so was Kei, so they decided they wanted a snack. So they had...cereal. Okay. Good for a late night snack.

Or would it be an early morning snack?

Suddenly, it happened. The freckled teen was leaning up on his tiptoes to bump his lips on the blond’s. They both just stood there for a moment.

“I'm gonna deny this happened. “ Kei told him after he was on the ground again.

Tadashi giggled, giddy with the thought of being able to surprise his boyfriend now.

 “Sorry, Kei!”

**Author's Note:**

> Kei snaps at him when he asks about the girl because he thinks Tadashi is questioning their relationship. too bad Tadashi didn't know the relationship existed. 
> 
> hope you enjoyed!! leave a comment please!! they feed me!!


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